I am in the crux of my 20s, literally 24. Every day I'm confused, but at the same time driven. I know the type of life I want, but getting there is what confuses me. Do I follow my passion and continue to dream? Or do I get serious and keep my dreams as daydreams?
Here’s where I may be a delusional 20-something-year-old: I believe that getting my dream life is tangible, so much so that I think it requires me to both dream and be serious. Having a 50/50 mix of both is important because once I get there, I don’t want the journey there to have been so filled with seriousness. The life I want can only then be the life I want if it has a perfect mix of both dreaminess and seriousness.
No matter where you are in life, there is always a goalpost, a picture-perfect ideal version of your current life. We all work our way to getting there, but the movement is incremental, so much so that it feels as if we aren’t moving. You, like me, may feel so very stuck at times. I’m writing this to help you introspect for a second, or maybe a minute, and hopefully utilize this as a toolkit for the rest of your life.
Here are ways we can unstuck ourselves, cause we were never really stuck:
1. Get out of your damn head.
You think too much. In fact, you think about how you are thinking. There will be moments where you find yourself comparing your journey to the journey of others you hear about or see. Stop thinking about it. SO WHAT if they bought their second home. WHO CARES that their wedding is featured in Vogue.
Now, I can’t just tell you to get out of your head. If that worked, then therapists would be out of a job. Here's what you do……….
You hear about your friend who is having this fabulous life, you feel the green envy monster come out, and your head begins to become active. You’re looking at your life compared to theirs.
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NOW, imagine what the inside of your brain looks like (similar to the movie Inside Out). It may be pitch black with nothing in it (however it may look). Then add in a door. There is a door in your brain room.
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In your brain room, now imagine the concept of you comparing yourself to them. It may be in a box in the room, or it could be clutter everywhere. (It can literally be anything you imagine it as.)
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Now imagine you enter your brain room and begin to slowly remove all traces of the concept. You are physically grabbing the pieces of that imagined concept and walking them out the brain room door.
You may be thinking, “Hailey, this will not stop me from comparing myself to others all the time,” but while we were doing that fire drill, I ask, did you even think about feeling stuck?
You may be stubborn and say “yes,” but imagination takes practice. The more you practice this, the more vivid you cleaning your brain room will become, the more brain capacity it’ll take to imagine, and eventually, after a bit of practice, the strong feelings of envy will subside.
That’s not to say you’ll never feel envious, but it will remove the anxiety-inducing aspect of it.
2. Go OUTSIDE.
Get up, go for a walk outside. Think about where you were 2 years ago, think about all the things that have changed in your life (good or bad), and now think about how much that made you adapt and evolve as a person.
THIS MUST BE DONE OUTSIDE ON A WALK. You can’t sit in your bed. You need to get your brain working in multiple regions; fresh air also helps.
The point is, you two years ago is not the same you as now. That shows incremental movement. That shows that you are on your way to who you are meant to be, which is who you want to be.
3. Journal.
I know everyone says this, but it helps. It not only helps you set your goals and hold you accountable to achieving them, but it also helps you let your feelings out and not hold everything in.
HECK, WRITE ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL STUCK!!
Write about how sad you are. It helps. Once you clear the not-fun emotions out, you can welcome in happiness and acceptance.
In a year or 2 or 3, you can go back to that journal and read about everything. You can account for how many goals have been achieved, how many you are still working on. Really, it is just a way to prove to yourself that you aren’t stuck.
Remember that time you felt super shitty for a week because your boss is an asshole? Well, next year you may not have that boss anymore, you may make more than you did, and it’s been a week and you don’t feel nearly as shitty as you did then.
Small wins, when added together, become very big wins.
Ultimately, it’s up to you to acknowledge everything you’ve done and give yourself grace.
But, I’m proud of you. You have made it so far and you have a long journey ahead of you. Keep going. The hill may be steep, but every step counts.
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